February 23, 2011

Think Loudly

Bukan semua benda menarik di mata kau, menarik juga di mata aku.
Bukan semua orang kewl depan kau, kewl juga depan aku.
Bukan semua ilmu berguna di otak kau, berguna juga di otak aku.
Bukan semua zarah indah di mata kau, indah juga di mata aku.
Bukan semua perkara yang kau faham, aku faham juga.

Conclude easily after tinjau meninjau,
Sila jangan judge aku sesuka hati kau.

Kalau aku di facebook seorang fake, what make you think aku di twitter juga seorang fake?
Kalau di luar rumah aku hambar, what make you think dalam bilik juga aku hambar?
Kalau dalam blog ini aku banyak bercerita, what make you think dalam dunia sebenar juga aku banyak bercerita?
Kalau indah kata kata aku di hati kau, what make you think kata kata ku indah juga di hati orang lain?
Kalau sakit jiwa kau melihat aku, what make you think orang lain juga sakit jiwa melihat aku?

Don't judge a book by it's cover,
Don't judge my look by my twitter.

Ada pokok berbunga namun tak berbuah.
Ada pokok berbuah walau tak berbunga.
Ada pokok tiada buah mahupun bunga.
Ada pokok berbunga dan berbuah segala.
Ada aku tiada jiwa malah tiada apa apa.

Jangan harap apa apa dari aku,
Kerana aku tak bisa beri apa kau mahu.

Jangan pergi jauh dariku,
Kerna aku masih pingin kamu.

Jangan buat aku hilang segala macam perasaan,
Kerana saat itu kau takkan bisa cari kebiasaan.

Maaf andai aku buat kau pening,
Entri ini memang pesen #doublemeaning.

Fuck you.

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

February 20, 2011


I'm 21 years old girl, and it has been almost 8 years of socializing, and most of it was on the net. And those 8 years is nothing if you compare me to a high class, high end peeps like those you see on the big screen. I remember Mike from Europe Trip something. Mike is a beautiful lady and was up to the expectation of man's all around the globe. Yup, someone like me is not the expectation of some dudes in Malaysia.

That is why, everytime I'm going to see someone, I told them to take a look at my photos in Facebook. I'm a fat girl with nothing cute to offer to people, especially men (unless sex maniac who is into BBW). Yes, I am a fat girl weighing almost 100kg and I'm proud to be me. I don't live to satisfy someone else's expectation. You expect beautiful lady, please woo them and stay out of my field. You got me brah?

I had been through thousands of real world blind date. Yes, some may turns good, yet some turns really bad. But I don't give a damn. You like me, please say so. And if you don't like me, please say so TOO. Don't compare me to some beautiful fun lady with almost everyone as a friend. I don't mind if you shoo me off on the first meet. You can kick my ass and say "fuck off girl" on the first time, but don't kick my ass and shoo me away after having the best time of your life.

Get it?

That's it, please give me some space. A fat lady is coming through your way. BEWARE, I may look blunt, but the reality sucks, so my SHARPness may haunt you for the rest of your life. After all, aren't I 'the' LOVELYKNIFE you all have in your heart?

*peace out*

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

February 18, 2011

Life As We Know It

I have a best friend whom I thought is the most incredible man in the world. I told him about everything that happens. I told him about the argument I had with my dad, I told him about the problems I'm currently facing, I told him how sick and tired I am living with my sister, I told him about each and every drop of alcohol I have in my blood, I told him about the number of cigarettes I have per day, I told him how many man I screwed, I told him about my one greatest love, I told him about my self-esteem problem, I practically told him everything.


And yet,

As the most incredible man,

He didn't tell me,

That he lost his dad Thursday last week.

And now, I am such a terrible friend.

P/S: Al-Fatihah for you uncle. Thanks for letting your son be my bestest friend ever.

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

February 17, 2011


Why is it that everytime I think about you, I lost my mind.

Please spare my soul.

Don't be so brutal.

Thank you.


Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

February 15, 2011


Ada orang beritahu aku, kalau kita sedang busy, berbagai idea masuk dalam kepala bagi menjadikan sebuah kata kata bermutu bagi mencapai kesejahteraan dalam minda. Ya, begitu juga aku. Minda aku sejahtera rasanya. Masih belum ada idea yang belum keluar dari kotak minda.

Think out of the box is not really my stuff. My mind is in one box, and yet I haven't find a way out from that damn box. But there is something that I don't know. I'm not sure whether that box is small or so wide it could fit the entire world in it. Yes, I'm not sure myself. Sometimes the box is so small I couldn't find the answer to one simple question. Sometimes I could answer a question that no one could ever think of answering. Yup, this damn box in my head is flexible. Unfortunately not flexible in a good way.

Sometimes when I keep on looking for answers, the answers is actually just at the wall of the box. I just couldn't reach the answer. If you are wondering why do I always use the words 'sometimes', it's my tagline. SOMETIMES LOVELY ISN'T EVERYTHING. Because nothing is consistent. Nothing stays at the same shape. Nothing stays constant. Don't you agree?

Why am I writing this? This one is a draft from last night chaos. I couldn't sleep the entire night. I dozed off at about 5.30am maybe. What did I do? I don't know. It's something I couldn't find a word to describe. It's so funny how I did something but I didn't know the name, the title, or the subject. But what I'm sure of, the thing that I do last night was everything a human being would avoid doing. Sleepless and fucking tired. No sweety, I didn't go to that concert you forbid me from going. It's just a chaos night. And please confide me.

And this is how I get my ilham. This is how the idea came rolling to the center of the box and went straight to this damn blog.

Will Lucifer win this fight? Ask Michael. Probably he knows. But what I'm sure of, I am currently at Lucifer's side.

P/S: I deleted few (read: hundreds) friends from facebook. If you're reading this and is not a contact from facebook, please re-add. ;)
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

February 14, 2011

Loud and Clear

Sweetheart, can you hear me scream?

Love, can you hear my heart beats?

Baby, can you hear me whisper?

Sis, can you hear my voice?

Brah, can you hear my brain ranting?

Mom, can you hear my words?

Dude, can you thrust my pussy?

Happy Vagina Day all, or should I say, Happy Virgin Day.

Hopefully I'm not wrong,

I love you dude!

Peace out,

P/S: I'm away from my life. Currently in some dude's life. ;)

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

February 12, 2011

Good lord


i am a droid sent by human beings to crash your life. now please handle me your life or i'll pull that life cord from your soul.

okay, that's a joke.

well, you see. i'm not much of a joker. i don't joke much and I failed each and every time I try to make people laugh.

but that doesn't mean i suck in making people feel happy about their lives. i always give good advice, and i always care for the person that i love.

so please, just once, please make me feel useful in this world. please make me realize how easy it is to be accepted. i don't give a damn about how, all i want is a chance.

just one last chance on my one last breath.


Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

February 7, 2011

The strength

Kalau dulu, aku selalu ber-ayat begini.

"Aku kan kuat, kau tak payah risau"
"Kau ingat aku ni pondan ke nak nangis nangis?"
"Setakat putus cinta, tak goyang pon iman aku ni"
"Persetankan je perasaan down tu, apa kau dapat kalau kau down macam tu?"

dan setiap kali aku berkata begitu, pasti terselit sebatang rokok di celahan jari telunjuk and ibu jari aku. ye, kalau aku risau/sedih/kecewa/down atau apa sahaja perasaan yang serba tak kena, aku akan pegang rokok dengan dua jari tersebut. ini rahsia aku, sila jangan bagitahu orang lain.

aku memang pernah sekuat itu (i used to be that strong). sebab dulu aku ada rokok, rokok je satu satunya perkara yang dapat bakar perasaan serba tak kena dari jiwa aku. sekarang aku dah berhenti merokok. last aku hisap rokok adalah pada awal januari yang lalu. itu adalah waktu yang sangat lama bagi aku yang mula merokok dari tahun 2002 lagi.

ya, aku dah 8 tahun merokok. cliche kan? dengan imej bertudung aku. ahhh, persetankan semua perasaan serba tak faham kau tu. meh aku simplekan dalam satu ayat, aku bekas perokok tegar yang memakai tudung atas dasar islam. kau tak percaya? terpulang.

berbalik kepada tajuk asal, the strength. i no longer have that strength. i am now a squid (lembik). and this feeling will surely bring me down. but yet i don't care a bit. i am pretty sure that somebody will take me up. someday. just someday.

smile baby for me, coz i can no longer smile for you.

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone